he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
