I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize