I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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