Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
