On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
