Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
