doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
