Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize