It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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