my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
