He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
