Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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