A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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