3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
