oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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