Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
