apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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