Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My pussy is not your playground.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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