the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
