I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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