She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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