You smell like stripper and shame
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
