if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
