69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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