cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
