Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
