you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize