is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
