Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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