That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Send help, water and tortillas.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
