I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize