Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
