wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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