Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
