My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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