Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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