Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
