His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
