I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
