idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
