He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
