My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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