i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
