"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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