Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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