so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
