I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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