Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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