also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
