if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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