Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
