i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
