His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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