You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
