Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just gargled with NyQuil
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
