I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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