I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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