Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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