You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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