saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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