you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
