Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
