The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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