My first STD was from a foam party
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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