just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
