i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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