Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
