well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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