What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
