Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
