Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
