i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
