he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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