I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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