1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
