It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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